Help Wanted
Up-and-Coming Villain Seeks Competent Help
Qualifications: Applicants must be committed individuals willing to invest themselves completely in world-changing enterprise. Intelligence, drive, and real-world skills required.
All applicants will be tested for critical thinking skills. Example question: If you are pursuing an escaped hero, and you pass by trees, pillars, large boulders, unlocked closets, etc., do you think it possible he would try to hide in one of them? Discuss.
All applicants must be capable of understanding and obeying simple orders. For example, “No one is allowed to see the prisoner” means that no one – literally no one – is allowed to see the prisoner. No matter what the prisoner tells you.
All applicants will be given weapons and required to demonstrate basic competence with them. If you fire at a six-foot-tall target eight feet away and miss, the interview will immediately be terminated.
Applicants shall be void of those pangs of conscience that cause evil henchmen to leave vital jobs unfinished.
All applicants shall understand that I am, and will always be, smarter and more powerful than they are.
Benefits: Benefits include health insurance, new wardrobe provided at company expense, opportunities to plunder, and chance to be in at the ground-floor of a world empire. Also the privilege of seeing a mastermind at work.
Positions Available: Positions vary from minion to trusted lieutenant. Each will be rewarded on the basis of applicant’s merit.
If interested, send application to JohnSmith@villainyplanning.com. Interviewees will be conducted, blindfolded, to an undisclosed location.
