I Wish I Were Oppressed

Recently, in my Internet wanderings, I came across an article called America’s most oppressed minority. And who are these poor people? Rich people!

When the Republican presidential candidates begin to step forward in the next few months, I’ll be watching closely to see which ones, if any, have the courage to defend America’s most oppressed minority, the wealthy. Will any of them be willing to explain that the wealthiest among us have the same natural rights as every other citizen?

Well, I’ve got good news for the wealthy: You don’t have to wait for the Republican presidential candidates. I am here to help you out of America’s most oppressed minority right now. I’ll take your place – send me your money and escape your oppression.

It’s unfair that anyone should send half their income to the government, but let’s not have any nonsense about the rich being an oppressed minority. Getting a million dollars a year, instead of two million, is not the sort of suffering that includes one in the ranks of the downtrodden. Another thing about the genuinely oppressed: There aren’t hundreds of millions of people eager to join them. A class that almost no one is willing to leave, and almost everyone wants to join, should never be called oppressed.