Help Wanted, Again

Help Wanted
Up-and-Coming Hero Seeks Wise Old Mentor

Qualifications: Applicants must have broad experience and knowledge, particularly of the Evil that threatens all our lives. Persistence, commitment, and keen perception skills required.

Applicants must be wise, learned in arcane yet extremely relevant knowledge, and have a store of aphorisms – or else be able to come up with apt aphorism-like remarks on the spot. Preference given to those who know something vital about me that I do not yet know myself; also to those who can predict the future.

All applicants are required to have outstanding teaching skills, including outside the traditional classroom environment. Sinister yet compelling warnings, ambush tests, and on-the-job training all desired. Teaching methods that involve physical pain and mortal danger to the student are also acceptable. I am, after all, an up-and-coming hero.

Applicants must be willing and able to guide me onto the path of my True Destiny, even if I initially resist.

Applicants must be older than I am.

All applicants must understand that they will eventually have to absent themselves so that I may experience horrible dangers with no way out, and so come into my own and be truly heroic. Death, though the normal method of leaving, is not required. Any way that upholds the applicant’s status as Mentor, and my status as Hero, is permissible.

Benefits: Being a Wise Mentor.

To Apply: No application necessary. Interviews, furthermore, will not be held, because any Wise Mentor who would submit to being interviewed by an up-and-coming hero is obviously in need of mentoring himself. If interested in the position, simply find me and try to claim it. Preference goes to those who initiate the meeting by rescuing me from certain death, who reveal various dark secrets, or who carry or bestow an item of obvious mythical quality, such as a light-sword, a wizard’s staff, or any kind of magic jewelry.